Scene: we’re at the mall and my son doesn’t get his way, so he responds with arms crossed, and saying; “That’s it, I’m just not going to love you anymore. I’m going to run away from home”.
Scene: at the dollar store buying items for his birthday party loot bags and my son asks; “Can we buy a toy?”. I reply by saying he already got his birthday presents. For his response, see scene above…..
Next scene: My son begs me for a leap pad for Christmas. Its all he can talk about….. for one day. The next day, he’s onto the netxt best thing: the newest hot wheels track.
The day after: Cars 2 comes in the mail. He’s been dying to get it! What does he do? Looks at the case, puts it down and goes off to do something else. No “thank you”, no thrill, no excitement. Just another “something”….
“Where did he get this from??”, I ask myself. I felt numb, wondering if every Christmas and birthday (and every other day of the year!) would be filled with ME ME ME, MINE MINE MINE!! I wondered where we’ve gone wrong?? We’re a pretty modest family, fighting consumerism, giving our sons learning opportunities about those less fortunate, and our mission on earth. So where is this sense of entitlement coming from?!
Then I ran into this book; “The Entitlement-Free Child” while reading Jennifer Grant’s book, “Love You More”. It only took me seconds to get onto amazon and it was ordered. I dove right in when it came in the mail! One of the first things I read in the book stated:
“The entitlement child gets everything he asks for…. now. He can’t wait. A parent saying no doesn’t mean no; it means “Maybe, if you keep bugging me” or “I don’t really want to, but….” The entitlement child doesn’t accept “enough” because he’s afraid he might miss out on “more”. Driven by immediate gratification, the entitlement child gets what he wants; he just doesn’t get what he needs. He gets what he wants today but is unsatisfied tomorrow. His happiness is temporal and conditional.”
“The entitlement free child on the other hand, gets much more. He trusts that his needs will be met, because he has learned that he can count on other people today and tomorrow. Life is ok even when he is frustrated, confused or upset. He has skills. The entitlement free child learns to see things from another’s point of view, accept limits from others, and delay personal gratification, and he can handle age-appropriate problems.”
“Wow! Where do I get me one of those?”, I thought! Jokes aside, I longed for my son to adopt these beautiful traits of an entitlement-free child. I wrestled for a whole day with these questions burning in the back of my mind. Then it all came clear to me where he may have learned this from…..
This pasts summer we were hitting up our local McDonald’s for our daily routine of dollar drinks. (yup, I said DAILY…. sad I know) Then it hit me. My son has no idea that these drinks are only a dollar! All he knows is he’s been getting a “special drink” almost every day this summer! Yike-o-rama! My mind started to race, recalling many other innocent scenarios that may not have been so “innocent”. And who was instigating all these harmless indulgences? ME!! I wanted a special drink, I wanted…. Then it hit me;
I’m an entitlement child trying to raise an entitlement-free child!!
Talk about eating humble pie. In order to see my son’s behavior change, I’VE got to change. He’s just following my lead. Needless to say, I have a whole new outlook on our daily outings. Are they feeding my cravings? Are they to indulge mommy? Needless to say, I’ve starving my flesh and my wants this past while so I can pass on something greater to my boys than what I’ve been giving.
How do you keep your kids from indulging into ME ME ME Christmas consumer-mania? Don’t fall into it yourself. Model something different than entitlement. BE something different.
This Christmas, we can either model a good rebellion to the ultra-consumer mindset, or teach our kids how to get neck deep in it.
What’s it gonna be this Christmas for your family? This December’s blogs are dedicated to a rebellious Christmas. You up for it?
* Oh, and pick up the book. It’s a close to the manual we all long for.
The Entitlement Child by Karen Deerwester. “Raising confident and responsible kids in a ‘Me, Mine, Now!’ Culture”
10 Responses to How you keep your kids from indulging into “I WANT THAT!!! (and that, and that, and that, and that…) Christmas consumer-mania
Andrew Bellous
November 30, 2011
Ah, how true it is. I couldn’t believe all the stories I was hearing about Black Friday last week. People get insane this time of year. This is a good reminder about being ethical in all aspects of our lives. I need to be reminded as I often model bad habits for my daughter without thinking it through. Excellent post
connie
November 30, 2011
I like that, Andrew: Ethical in all aspects of our lives
Scott Glover
November 30, 2011
I like what you are saying.
I think though, that you should just not have Christmas and teach kids God’s Ways, as it really is a Day for Consumerism. Look at its history and today. Most businesses today only survive because of christmas sales. Is that right? Think about it. USA spent $11.6 Billion on Black friday last week. That money could have fed all the hungry people in the world for 4 months. This is injustice. James 1:27 says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
By doing Christmas, we are going against both of those statements.
Do you think Jesus wants us to spend millions on each other in His name? or help those in need? This is the best marketing idea as it has hoodwinked Christians to believe that they are worshipping God by Buying gifts. Really? are we that ignorant of God’s word?
If we teach our Children God’s ways and not the World’s ways, then life for the family would be much more simple, not easier, but simpler. That is being a Rebel of Culture. (Remember, it was the world that started christmas, not God.)
Christmas for kids is like taking a Teenager, who is now of legal age, to a liquor store and telling him “I know all your friends get booze when they are legal, but I don’t want to give you any. I am just going to show you the store so you know what you are missing and hopefully you don’t want to drink.”
Does that make sense? Yet we take our kids Christmas shopping and then tell them they can’t have this and that. Do you blame them for whining?
Let’s not follow the culture we live in, but live a God Culture and see what will happen. Let’s open our Bibles and teach our kids the truth.
my 2 bits.
connie
November 30, 2011
Those were a great 2 bits Scott. Love it. It’s our goal to live as you have spoken. This is the kind of culture we have the opportunity to create in our families and surroundings
Sarah Paranych
November 30, 2011
Such a great article, thank you Connie. I don’t have any children myself, but I am definitely an ‘entitlement child’. This has made me more aware and it’s time to step down from that role.
connie
November 30, 2011
yes Sarah! Do it! I lean this way myself, but I’m rebelling as well. Let’s rebel together!
Sarah
November 30, 2011
We’ve adopted a new theme for Christmas: 3 gifts (like the wisemen) and a stocking. That is it, and we drume into the smidgets’ head over and over and over that Christmas is not about stuff, it is about Christ and family.
And I boycott Black Friday. Gosh I went a couple of years ago and it was the most awful morning – everybody was letting their horrible hang out and we stood in hours to buy stuff that we don’t even have anymore. I bought way too much and for me, it just isn’t worth it. If I want a good deal, I look on craigslist.
Wait a second. Did I just get off topic?
connie
November 30, 2011
haha, I like you Sarah.
April
December 2, 2011
This is good! I’ll have to check out that book. I’m about to have my first and I know I already self-indulge.
connie
December 2, 2011
great time to start!!