I was in the grocery store today after teaching hip hop. I had my sweats, big shirt, hoodie and my favorite graffiti trucker hat on. I completely forgot what I looked like before rushing into the store.
In the juice isle, an elderly lady gave me a strange look. She looked at me like I was going to attack her! I brushed it off thinking it’s was probably just my imagination.
In the deli, the store manager was stocking up on items needing to be replenished. I looked over to see him watching my every move – especially my hands. He seemed concerned. I started feeling a little self-conscious.
In the line up to pay, I caught the eye of two high school girls looking me up and down with glaring eyes. I smiled at them only to have them instantly turn away. ”OK, WHAT’S going on? Do I have something on my face?”
Weird…..
As I was heading out the door, some twelve year olds greeted me with an enthusiastic: “Word up, hommie. That’s strait up G!”, then carried on their way. They left me standing there bewildered…. “Word up what? And who on earth is ‘G’?” Ya, that’s right: gangsta momma driving her minivan. “You see me rollin’”…
Then AH HA! It hit me. I remembered what I was wearing! What an eye opener. How I was dressed determined how various people treated me. I freaked that sweet elderly lady out. The manger may have thought I was the suspicious type. For some reason I threatened those teenage girls, and my graffiti hat is always a hit with the tweenies.
(me and my awesome mpact gals)
It’s interesting as I’ve experienced this before. I’ve headed to the mall in my grubs only to be brushed off by sales staff in the store. Fast forward to the next mall visit in my Le Chateau best and my bling earrings only to be waited on hand and foot. I must admit that the latter is a much nicer experience.
People tend to judge based on what we look like on the outside. You don’t even have to be a shallow person to do this – it’s just the way we work. I’ve also done this to others. I’ve been afraid to befriend people who seem aloof and cold only to find out they were just really shy. I’ve judged the homeless-looking person. I’ve assumed they’re lazy, not realizing that they are working morning to evening and traveling from shelter to shelter with their family only because they can’t afford rent. I’ve felt threatened by the mom in her trendy coat, cute leather boots with starbucks in hand, not realizing she hasn’t a friend in the world she can trust…..
No matter what someone looks like on the outside, we never know what is going on inside of them. After my experience in the grocery store, it reminded me of the importance of how I view others – and how I treat them in response. I’ve been making effort to notice those who are usually looked over, and watching the judgments that come out of my heart towards those who appear “put together”. Everyone wants others to believe they’ve got it together.
I’ve become more aware of how easy it is to treat those who appear important with great prominence. There are many who flock to the seemingly elite only to either be brushed aside, or to find someone with higher esteem to flock to. It’s an unfulfilling aim that never gets to any meaningful friendship.
Today, do you see the overlooked? Can you see past appearances? Can you find the “kindred-spirit” in someone you wouldn’t have expected?
We may be in for some nice surprises….
5 Responses to The day I discovered people do judge us by what we look like on the outside
Tim
August 13, 2012
Excellent, Connie, and very Christlike too: “The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7.)
I’m one of those who appear important and so a lot of people tend to treat me that way. It makes me wonder how they’d treat me if I weren’t a judge.
Tim
P.S. I have a new guest post up at Jenny Rae Armstrong’s today. Hope you get a chance to take a look: http://www.jennyraearmstrong.com/2012/08/13/running-with-castles-and-bishops-would-you-sacrifice-your-standards-for-worldly-gain/
connie
August 13, 2012
cool! Yes, I checked it out, Tim!
Anita Kraft
August 13, 2012
People do judge, not only by what you are wearing but your weight. When my knees broke down I weighed over 65 pounds of what I do now.
I found some people looked through me. When I asked a question, I was more likely to be over looked and someone else’s questions were answered first.
Even common people on transit treat you different~as if you are invisible
Since losing the weight I encounter smiles, I am included more in activities and it may be my imagination, but taken more seriously.
I have made it my personal mission as it always has been to speak to the person in the wheel chair, the overweight person sitting by themselves, and to someone who “appears” less fortunate. We are no more important than the person who has fallen on bad luck, is undergoing a health problem, who doesn’t fit what in our minds as normal.
After working in stores as Loss Prevention for over a decade, I can tell you, a person does look for those stereo types. But the person in the suit, working behind the counter who smiles at you, is more likely to steal more over time, than the high school girl who pockets a pair of earrings.
None of us are perfect…we all make mistakes. It took me years to deprogram myself to understand that each person has value and until you have experience discrimination, as a single woman, overweight, a little dressed differently, it doesn’t hit you until one day, someone says…you are worthy. We are the same in Gods’ eyes. You are my sister or brother. God Bless and have a great day! Anita
connie
August 13, 2012
that’s a very interested comment about weight, Anita. I’ve heard many others state the same. It certainly opens our eyes! No one deserves to feel invisible
Sandra
August 14, 2012
Connie,
That is too funny. Joseph always gets followed by the security guards when we go into a store.
When he is wearing his winter trench coat and toque, especially when he has his sunglasses on and earpiece in, people think he is an undercover police officer. He gets a laugh out of this one, but he is not so impressed with the security guards following him around thinking he is going to steal something.
It is too bad we stereo-type and put people into categories, but it is done all the time. Most of the time we don’t even realize we might be doing it.
I’ll never forget when we started the downtown ministry at the church and how many people would refuse to sit by the homeless people, and how many people left the church because they were afraid of them. So sad!
Way to go hommie! You are straight up G!